


Roman, bottling shit up its not good and you should know it

by GoshWordsCanBeTough



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Human Sides (Sanders Sides), In which I think I might have given Roman depression but shhh its fiiineee, Like seriuously all this mess could have been avoided, Lo is probably a college profesor while Patton works in a kindergarden or something, M/M, Roman is a self-deprecating bitch, Self-Doubt, Virgil is a painter and Roman is a writer/actor, if he talked about his feelings oh dear lord he is worse than Logan, like its an AU where they are human and stuff, no idea what Logan and Patton are, romantic lamp
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-16
Updated: 2019-02-16
Packaged: 2019-10-29 10:03:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,949
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17805950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GoshWordsCanBeTough/pseuds/GoshWordsCanBeTough
Summary: Roman wakes up feeling particularly shitty today, so he does the "logical" thing to do: Since he doesnt kno why he is upset, he decides to ignore the feeling until it goes away.That, obviously, doesnt work.





	Roman, bottling shit up its not good and you should know it

Roman woke up feeling numb.

Not in the literal sense of the word of course, his body was fine, but he was just mentally drained. He felt a strong and inexplicable feeling of sadness and dread. And he was so tired for some reason, despite the fact he had slept more than usual.

Sure, Roman was usually the embodiment of hopes and dreams, the confident one, the absolute dreamer with a passionate spirit, but today he woke up feeling particularly dingy and he just couldn’t for the life of him figure out why.

Maybe it was the fact that he hadn’t come out with any new ideas for a story in weeks, maybe it was that he felt like the few ideas he did have weren’t worthy and good enough for anyone to be interested in, maybe it was that his insecurities had been nagging at him more than usual—or maybe it was the fact that it was becoming harder and harder to ignore the voice in the back of his head that chanted the tale of melancholy, of his own tragic failures that left nothing but a husk of lies, a hollow shell that continued to walk the earth and talk in the place of a perfect image.

Maybe it was all of them, maybe it was none of them, who knows. Certainly not Roman.

He considered staying in bed just binge-watching something on Netflix and hide away in a blanket burrito for the rest of the day, but quickly discarded the thought, as doing so would alert Patton that something was wrong with him and he didn’t want to worry his beloved when even he couldn’t explain what was wrong, so he decided to be a brave cookie (and perhaps not a very smart one) and power through the day without letting the others know how he felt.

Roman got out of bed and dragged himself towards the bathroom, where he washed his face, tried to tame the chaotic mess that was his hair and brushed his teeth. He took one look at the mirror and his reflection looked alien to him, the man standing before him looked, for lack of a better term, dead inside: He had eyebags, his expression was empty and his eyes were half closed. He tried for a while to practice his smile in the mirror and once he felt confident in his mask, he exited the room and went to grab breakfast.

Once he got to the bottom of the stairs, he was faced with his first challenge of the day: Logan and Patton.

Even though the nerd was almost completely incapable of dealing with emotions, he also was very observant and tended to notice even the slightest of changes in someone’s demeanor, therefore being able to know when you were uncomfortable, anxious, nervous or hiding something from him. Patton, on the other hand, seemed to have a sort of sixth sense that told him when someone was feeling like shit.

The nerd was focused reading a book on the sofa while Patton was cuddled against him and watching Steven Universe on the TV, it appeared that they hadn’t spotted Roman yet, so he decided to take advantage of that. Steeling himself, he conjured up a masterful smile and took a step towards them.

“Greetings, my dears, how are you this fine morning?” Roman asked, trying to keep his voice in his usual regal tone as he started walking towards the kitchen. Logan raised his eyes from the book and focused on Roman while Patton followed suit with a smile of his own.

“Salutations, Roman.” Greeted Logan. “Is it possible that you feel a tad sick? You usually wake up way earlier than the current time and your eyebags—pardon me for saying this—could rival Virgil’s.” He asked, the usual monotonous tone now ebbed away slightly by concern as Patton nodded.

“Sorry if we are intruding, sweetie, but you do seem a bit.. off this morning, is everything alright?” Asked Patton and Roman, like the good actor he is, shrugged.

“Do not fear, for I had just stayed up a bit too late yesterday while writing a few ideas for a new book.” He said with a confident voice, and looking at the coffee he was making like it was the most interesting thing in the world.

“While it is good to hear that you started writing again, please take care of yourself. If you need it, do consider taking a nap after you finish your breakfast. An adequate sleep schedule is mandatory for optimal performance,” Logan said with a warm voice and a still worried looking face. “And anything less could very well lead to a decline in one’s health, both physically and mentally.”

While Patton didn’t completely believe that answer he wasn’t going to nag Roman to make him talk about things, after all, he supposes that his boyfriend is old enough to know when to seek help if it was something truly serious, so he said:

“Oooh, if you do go to sleep, do you want me to wake you up for lunch? I’m going to make the Risotto you like.”

“Will do, don’t worry—and that would be very appreciated, thank you my loves.” Roman answered with a soft voice. “Where is our dear emo nightmare?” He asked, mostly to fill the silence as he grabbed some Oreos from the open package that was on the counter.

“Virgil is in his room. He is currently working on that painting that someone commissioned of him.” Logan informed kindly.

“It’s starting to look so pretty! The colors he’s using are so vibrant and shiny! And the flowers he added look so realistic! It’s beautiful!” Patton added cheerfully, always down for praising their angsty boyfriend.

Roman made a humming noise to show that he listened to them and grabbed the mug full of coffee and started walking out of the kitchen and towards the stairs.

“I shall be going, I think that today I will be having breakfast in my room if you don’t mind.” He said with a half-hearted glance, and Patton narrowed his eyes in slight suspicion at the quickness in his pace.

“..Alright, honey,” The words come out soft, staring as the self-proclaimed prince hurriedly scampered away, voice trailing his ears as he adds, “-but remember to bring the mug down once you finish your coffee, okay?” There was an ill feeling in his heart of something amiss, however, with a worrisome curve in his brow, he decided to give his boyfriend the benefit of the doubt despite his own concerns. Prying could potentially make this worse; whatever this was.

Because Roman was walking quickly and was too lost in his own thoughts to pay too much attention to what he was doing, he, the ever graceful one, tripped on the last step of the staircase. He was pulled out of his reverie just a moment too late as his face smacked the ground, the cookies and mug slipping from his grasp to shatter along with his heart.

“ARE YOU OKAY?!” Came the concerned scream of the two from downstairs.

“I’M FINE DON’T WORRY!” Roman screamed back while he sat up on the floor, face exploding with pain as his eyes fluttered sorrowfully to the shattered mug that littered the floor. His cheeks grew red and he felt his eyes burn. 

Oh god, he was so stupid, why was he so stupid? He looked pained at the painted crown one one of the shards—Patton gave that to him as a birthday present, said it was custom made for the most charming prince in the world. God, Patton- What if he made Patton cry? If Patton cried Logan and Virgil would never forgive him, would they break up with him? Oh god, how could he let this happen? It’s ruined, it’s ruined, everything’s ruinedohgodohgodohgodohgo-

Virgil came out of his room, probably lured out by the loud noise of the mug breaking, but, considering his antics, one could joke that he was lured out by the strong sense of self-loathing. The sight that greeted him when he walked out of his room was one of a crying Roman and complete and utter destruction.

“Roman, are you okay?” Virgil asked and immediately cringed at the stupidity of his question. “Wait, no, shit, you obviously aren’t, I meant as in—are you hurt? Did you cut yourself with the shards of the mug? Did something happen?” He corrected himself while slowly and cautiously approaching Roman.

“I’m fine, Hot Topic, don’t worry.” Said Roman with a wobbly smile and shiny eyes, wondering why he kept saying this and if he had ever felt less fine. Virgil raised an eyebrow, clearly unimpressed.

“Bullshit.” Was his simple answer as he sat down next to Roman on the floor. “What happened?”

“Nothing.” He sighed and passed his hands through his hair, tired and frustrated with himself. Virgil rolled his eyes and gently took one of Roman´s hands.

“Listen, if you don’t want to talk about it, that’s completely fine. But don’t lie to my face like that, Princey.” He said with a sad smile and Roman groaned.

“No! I’m not lying, that’s the thing!” Roman said, exasperated. “Nothing happened! I just woke up feeling like utter shit and I don’t know why!” He whined and leaned against Virgil’s side.

“If you woke up feeling like this, why didn’t you tell anyone?” Virgil asked quietly as he let go of Roman’s hand and draped his arms over his shoulders. “I mean, it’s not like we would have laughed at you. It’s okay to feel bad from time to time.”

“I just- I don’t know man.” Roman sighed and buried his head in his boyfriend’s neck. “I didn’t want to bother any of you with this because it’s just so dumb, I mean, even I don’t know what is wrong with me today.”

“I can’t believe I’m the one telling you this but, Princey, your feelings aren’t dumb.” Virgil said in an unusual soft and caring voice. “Yeah, they might be a bit annoying and maybe they don’t always make sense, but it’s not your feelings’ job to make sense. Emotions aren’t- logical, I guess, and sometimes they suck. Like, really bad. But, Roman, bottling shit up its not good and you should know it.”

Roman mumbled something that sounded a lot like a shameful and stubborn “I know, but still” and Virgil hugged him tightly before letting go. They sat there in a comfortable silence for a moment.

“Well, after I help you clean this up, do you want to go to your bedroom and hide under the covers until the sun goes away like I’m pretty sure you were planning to do, or would you prefer to go to the living room and watch some Disney movies and cuddle with us?” Virgil said with a slightly amused expression and Roman snorted at that.

“Disney and cuddles sounds like a good plan to me,” His smile was tiny and soft but, for the first time in the whole day, real. “Lets go, my Stormy Knight.”

And later that day, while he was comfortably sitting in Patton’s lap, the ray of sunshine hugging him tightly and pressing soft kisses in his hair every now and then, with Virgil resting his head on his lap and Logan leaning against him, Tangled playing on the tv, he finally felt at peace. While it is true that the feeling didn’t disappear in its entirety, it’s honestly really hard to feel sad and angry with yourself when you are surrounded by so much warmth, love, and happiness

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this as a christmas gift for @Sirasanders on tumblr but I forgot to post it here, hope you guys liked it!


End file.
